Anthony’s Ramblings

This is an e-mail from my mom that struck me as funny.
 

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don’t panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
    
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
    
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
    
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer!
    
5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
    
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be too afraid to cough.
    
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are.

You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.

If it doesn’t move and should, use the WD-40.

If it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.

And finally…..Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. One out of every four people suffer from a mental disorder. If you have three friends, and none of them have a problem…well, you do the math.

Just thought you’d wanna know.

I haven’t been sick like this in quite a few years. I usually get one or two small annoying colds a year; nothing that slows me down. However, this one is quite different. I constantly have a slight headache (if I’m not lying down), I cough a lot, my nose and head go from clogged to unclogged every 15 seconds, and my whole body is generally achey.

Yay!